Why I’m Done Being the Bigger Person

“I release any residual guilt for the way it makes others feel when I am standing in my power”

Maryam Hasnaa

I have grown beyond weary of making excuses for shitty people and their shitty behavior. Oh, they had a tough life? So, what! They are going through a tough time right now? So, what! If you are a shitty person with shitty energy, I am done being the bigger person. I will no longer step up and over exert my level of emotional intelligence and maturity to absorb your bad day, bad week or bad life. I am done letting people slide for their deplorable attitudes, energy, and behavior. There are plenty of people who have faced and are currently facing difficulties and struggles who don’t let it negatively impact how they interact with others. There are plenty of people who were raised under less than ideal conditions who do not walk around with a chip on their shoulder, bringing dark clouds to overshadow any ray of light present. I refuse to be a mirror for people’s self-hate. Their beef is never with anyone else, its always with themselves. Yet we continually take blow after blow from people who really need to turn their battle inward. Yes, hurt people, hurt people. But you won’t hurt me. Not anymore.


There is a popular quote that has been widely circulated which says, “Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. I do not adhere to this, at all. It is not my job to prepare myself to deal with people’s shit because they refuse to. It is not my job to constantly brace myself for rude, abrasive behavior from bitter, angry people who refuse to take personal responsibility for their lives. One of the biggest excuses I’ve heard is, “but they’re family”. I do not give a shit. Family, friend or foe. I will not subject myself to people who are not in alignment with the life I am trying to live. I can love you from a distance. I want to be positive, hopeful, optimistic. I want to grow and learn, and most importantly, I want to take full responsibility for my life. It is tough work and I do not need to be distracted by anyone who is not on the same page as me. Furthermore, I will not apologize for my insistence on growth while others remain complacent in their drama, dysfunction and pain. I am not the bigger person. If you attack me, I will come right back at you. I don’t care why you did it. If you’re having a bad day, stay away until you’re in a better place. In the words of my favorite author, J California Cooper, “don’t bring no clouds around my way, because I will make it rain”.  Instead of me being the bigger person, why not you be a better person.

Kathleen, “The Nutritional Truth Teller” is a Certified Holistic Nutritionist, Certified Nutrition and Wellness Consultant, and a Certified Vaginal Steam Facilitator. She is the owner of Beauty In A Barbell Nutrition, whose sole mission is to optimize the physical, mental, and spiritual health of the Black community through African Holistic Health. She carries with her the ancestral knowledge and wisdom of the medicine men, women, healers and warriors she lovingly calls her ancestors.