What a Man Wants: 5 Ways to be a Perfect “10”, Without Being a Perfect “10”

Silly girl, the old lady smiled. Your different was your beautiful all along”


When I had the idea to interview 4 alpha males and get their take on what they desired in women, one of the things I was dying to know was how important is physical appearance. As women, we are inundated with visual images of women that appear to be physically perfect and the kind of woman every man dreams of. The emergence and popularity of the “Instagram model” has the potential to make any woman question her physical appearance and her ability to be desirable and attractive to men.

I asked the men, “On a scale of 1-10, how important are looks?” Their responses ranged from a low of “5” to a high of “20”. The average was a “10.5” (you can thank Alpha Male #3 for that one lol). To read all the questions and answers, please read the original article What a Man Wants in a Woman: The True Alpha Male Speaks

Although the average was high, what the men shared assured me that every woman can be a perfect 10. Based on their thoughts and my holistic health expertise, I’ve compiled a list of 5 ways that any woman can be a perfect 10 without being what some may consider to be a perfect 10. Because the truth is, everyone is a perfect 10 to someone.

1. Develop a Robust Skin Care Routine

Of all the compliments I receive, the one I hear the most is, “You’re glowing!” Whenever I send pictures to my boyfriend who I am in a long-distance relationship with, he always says, “Babe, you look so fresh”. A fresh, glowing look is a must have to be a “10”, and its so easy to accomplish. The key to having beautiful skin is to drink tons of water, develop and maintain a skin care routine that you never deviate from.

Water Intake

Take your body weight, divide in half, and that is the minimum number of ounces of water you should drink daily. My goal is to drink a gallon of water every day. I do not drink any pop/soda or juice (occassionally, I’ll have an organic ginger ale). I only drink water and herbal tea. Water cleanses your system and removes toxins from the body that will otherwise manifest into skin eruptions on the face (acne, etc.). Adding lemon, limes or cucumber is a bonus.

Cleanse, tone, moisturize

Your skin care routine should be the following; cleanse, tone, moisturize. This should be done twice a day. I only use an organic soap (oatmeal, or fragrance free). I do not use any of the commercial facal cleansers or soaps that you find in drugstores. After cleansing, tone your skin with a facial toner such as witch hazel or rose water (never use alcohol on your skin). Lastly, moisturize. Coconut oil will clog your pores. I prefer grapeseed oil which is light and will not clog the pores. In the winter, when my skin is prone to get dry, I will use shea butter.


Exfoliation is next level skin care and is just as important as washing your face. Exfoliate 2-3 times a week. This will remove dead skin cells that clog your pores and cause your skin to look dry and dull. Exfoliating will make your skin glow. Organic brown sugar is an excellent exfoliator. You can make your own DIY facial scrub at home.


Facial Steaming is a great to do before exfoliating. It will open your pores and help loosen any buildup of dirt. It increases circulation and blood flow to the skin.

Facial Mask

Using a face mask 1-2 times a week is a must as well. The right face mask can help improve any skin issues you may have. There are so many different ingredients you can use for your face mask.  I like using a bentonite and charcoal clay mask (deep cleans and helps with the appearance of pores), or a lemon and honey mask (helps with dark spots and keeps the skin supple). I make these at home as well.

Drinking water and maintaining a skin care routine will give you a glow that will attract any man. I would also like to add that a plant-based diet full of fruit and vegetables will help your skin glow.

2. Image is Everything -Dress Well and Smell Great

Alpha Male #1 said looks are a “5”. He explains, “a woman who dresses well, works out and smells great is what makes a woman attractive”. I like how Alpha Male#1 focused on image as opposed to physical attributes. Your image can be easily altered, and you can use this to your advantage. He told me that when he and his friends were in the Dominican Republic on a guy’s trip, they were standing around and they smelled this lovely perfume and it made them stop their conversation and turn around to find out who was smelling so good.

A great tip that I picked up from Shanel Cooper Sykes is to always invest in a fragrance that is Eau de Parfum or Perfume rather than Eau de Toilette. Eau de toilette is less concentrated and will generally fade away quickly once it is applied. Eau de parfum will last longer and is more expensive than Eu de toilette. Perfume is the most expensive, but also the most beautiful and will last the longest. Only a tiny amount is needed. It is perfectly fine to use sprays or eau de toilettes, but consider investing in a perfume to up the ante and smell like the perfect 10

Admittedly, I was a brand name hoe (yikes!). But, when I became a mother and I realized how expensive it was to raise an angel on earth, I quickly saw how unimportant brand names were. My love for the finer things in life have not ceased, but I’ve become more strategic in where I spend my money. I will invest heavily in certain quality pieces. My coats/jackets, shoes, and bags are always the best. These pieces are what people tend to see and notice the most. These signature pieces are your message to the world. My coats, shoes and bags say, “I am sophisticated, alluring, fascinating and graceful. Whatever image you want to project, don’t be afraid to invest in yourself so that you will be on display in a way that will make a man say, “who is that”?

3. Have a Winning Smile

Alpha Male #3 said that looks were a “20” and when I asked him why he said, “I don’t really have a type, but a woman with a nice smile and nice teeth are a non-negotiable. Everything else can be worked on”. Having a beautiful smile can go a very long way. Not just having “nice” teeth but smiling whenever you can and presenting yourself as friendly and approachable. Leave the RBF (resting b*&%^ face) behind. I know there are some women who may look naturally mean or unapproachable, but practice on relaxing the face muscles and smiling more. A bright, white smile can go a long way. Using activated charcoal (which is also an ingredient in the face mask) will make your smile brighter and whiter in weeks. Avoid smoking of any kind, drinking too many dark caffeinated beverages and dark sodas/pop (red wine too). Green tea is a great substitute. It protects against cavities, gum disease and is great for the overall health of the teeth and gums. Smile!

4. Sex Appeal

Alpha male #2 said that looks were a “10”, and the first thing he mentioned was sex. He said, “Sex is a big part of a relationship, especially a marriage. People say that personality is more important than looks but when we have sex, I’m not having sex with a personality”. Having sex appeal is another way to be a perfect 10 without being a 10. Sex appeal comes from within. You must be confident in who you are as a woman. Tap into the sensuality and seductiveness of being a woman. We should view sex as enjoyable and a way to connect spiritually with our alpha male. We should enjoy both giving and receiving pleasure. Men pick up on those vibes and they can either attract or repel. Growing up in church I was taught that sex was sinful if it was engaged in outside of marriage. Sex was always presented negatively. I couldn’t wear anything too tight or too short. Not that I wanted to dress like a floosy, but the focus on covering up and not being too appealing and attractive was not good. These experiences negatively impacted my ability to fully embrace the enchantress and goddess that lay dormant within. Womb healing and cleansing, yoni steaming (to learn more about steaming click here Beauty In A Barbell: Vaginal Steaming 101), and fully embracing my phenomenal drawing power without the guilt of going to hell or being a Jezebel has helped immensely. Explore any existing mental blocks that prevent you from embracing your inherent magnetism. Don’t forget to take care of your physical body. Eating healthy and lifting weights will transform your body into a masterpiece that you can be proud of and love. You will love the way you look with or without clothes  and so will your alpha male. Lastly, Release societal standards on what is acceptable in the bedroom or what you should and should not do. That is between you and your alpha male.

5. Embrace What Makes You, You

The 5th and final way to be a perfect 10 is to embrace and love what makes you, uniquely you. All the men spoke of confidence and self-awareness being extremely attractive. Alpha Male #4 who said that looks were a 7 explains, “Confidence, swag and belief in yourself will have others believing in you too.  You must have the intangibles to truly be attractive. A bit of mystery and magic goes a long way. You can come with the injections and the makeup, but if you are empty on the inside, good luck”. I love that!! I have been called nerdy all my life, especially by men. And it is true, I am a nerd. I love to read, write, discuss black life in America and sometimes I am awkward and a bit weird. But that is who I am and quite frankly I love it. I was told by one man, “you are so nerdy, but you are so effin sexy”. I politely said thank you and chuckled. It is the thing that makes you, you which will be most attractive to men. But only if you enfold yourself in your uniqueness. Embrace your black girl magic, that “je ne sais que” which will make you the perfect 10. Stop trying to fit in and follow the crowd. Be you and do you. Because darling, it is your different that made you beautiful all along. And the perfect 10.


Kathleen, “The Nutritional Truth Teller” is a Certified Holistic Nutritionst, Certified Nutrition and Wellness Consultant and a Certified Vaginal Steam Facilitator. She is the owner of Beauty In A Barbell Nutrition, whose sole mission is to optimize the physical, mental, and spiritual health of the Black community through African Holistic Health. She carries with her the ancestral knowledge and wisdom of the medicine men, women, healers and warriors she lovingly calls her ancestors.