“Balance is a myth. Harmony is a must”
I was watching a webinar hosted by Lisa Nichols and she said something that resonated deeply in my spirit. She said, “Balance is a myth. Harmony is a must”. Balance is a buzz word that gets thrown around quite frequently. I work a full- time job that requires travel, I’m a full- time single mother, part-time graduate student, I have a part-time position as Operations Manager for my boyfriend’s Armed Security Services business and I have my own Holistic Health business. Balance? How would I even begin to balance all of that? I wouldn’t be able to because balance is a fallacy. It is another one of those imaginary concepts thrown at us by society. Similar to color blind or equality. Elusive at best. BS at worst.
We are aiming to achieve something that doesn’t even exist. And that is one of the reasons we are stressed, anxious, fearful, rushed, worried and frustrated. Creating balance won’t solve any of our problems, but creating harmony will. Harmony is real and should become our greatest aim. In this article, I will share three ways that I have been able to detach from the myth of balance and secure the bag; harmony.
The word balance has an energy and aura of struggle surrounding it. The definition of balance is, “a condition in which opposing forces are equal to one another”. That is exactly why I suck at balance. How can I make the opposing force of my full-time job equal to the force of my role as mother? I will lose every time. But Harmony? That I can do. The definition of harmony is a “pleasing or suitable arrangement of parts”. The synonyms for harmony are symphony, symmetry and unity. Harmony has the energy of peace, serenity and Zen surrounding it. I can definitely aim to create symphony and unity with my career, my family, and my business. I can aim to create a pleasing arrangement of all the different parts of my life so that I am not worried, anxious or stressed.
Your physical environment reflects your internal state. Now don’t get wrong, there will always be a few Cheerios under the couch cushion and there will always be a pile of laundry that needs to be washed and one sitting in the dryer that needs to be folded. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about that closet full of clothes and shoes that you haven’t worn in years that needs to be bagged up and given away, that pile of mail that needs to be shredded and those 350 unopened emails that you need to unsubscribe from. Make it a habit to throw out and get rid of old things so that you can clear up space and energy. You will find that your spirit feels lighter and you can breathe deeper. Because attached to those “things” are your real “things”. Resentment, bitterness, fear and anger. Our insistence on holding to physical things is reflective of our insistence to hold on to emotions and the energy of memories we need to release. Burn sage and Palo Santo, light incense, open the windows and let the fresh air in and let the old “stuff” out.
You Can’t Have It All
I’m sorry to break the bad news to you but you can’t have it all. Society lied to you again. You can’t be the top senior executive while being the best mother and wife possible that makes home cooked meals, keep your hair, makeup, and body flawless, give back to the community, and be an amazing daughter, sister and friend. You will indeed have to choose. A breakthrough occurred for me when I realized that I can’t do it all. I can’t give all of myself to my job and my daughter and my man. I realized I was living a life that did not fit my DNA. I was not being true to myself and honoring who I really was. I was not every woman. I was Kathleen and I need to live a life that honors the woman I am. Once I began to honor who I was, harmony began to appear in my life. I can’t do it all, so I picked what I could do, what I wanted to do and everything else could fall by the wayside. I can’t be perfect. So I started being real. Not only did I create harmony, but I felt empowered. People would tell me that I was glowing. I would say thank you but deep down I knew it was because I decided I would no longer participate in the biggest lies of society and exit the matrix. Let go of the notion that you can have it all and stop killing yourself trying to get it.
Live in the Moment
This has been one of the hardest things for me to do. I could never fully enjoy the moment I was in because I was too busy thinking about the next one. I have a tinge of a Type A personality and I am a bit of a perfectionist. I had to give myself the permission and learn to just be and exist in that moment as if there were no other moments to follow. When I would play with Layla there were times that all I could think about was the paper I had to write, the dishes that needed to be loaded in the dishwasher, or the bills that had to be paid. What an injustice I was inflicting on her and myself by not being able to live in the moment. I have made it a habit to say to myself do not think of anything other than what you are doing in this moment. I’ve gotten so much better at living in the moment that one Sunday, one moment turned into me binge watching Person of Interest with my dad for 8 hours. I have never done anything like that before. I had a paper to write, and a dozen chores I had to do but instead I lived in that moment and I truly enjoyed myself.
I can’t balance all I have going on in my life. I can’t create equality amongst opposing forces. But I can bring symphony and unity to the different parts of my life. When I learn to let go of the physical and emotional clutter, realize that I can’t have it all, but I can have all of myself; and I learn to live in the fullness and beauty of each moment, I am creating harmony in my life. That’s how you secure the bag.
Kathleen, The Nutritional Truth Teller is a Certified Holistic Nutritionist and Certified Nutrition and Wellness Consultant. She is owner of Beauty In A Barbell Nutrition with the mission to optimize the physical, mental and spiritual health of the Black community. She pulls on the ancestral knowledge, power and wisdom of her ancestors who worked as healers and medicine men and women.