The month of June was a real struggle for me. I had money problems, problems at work and problems with family members. Just one problem after another and it seemed that whatever could go wrong did! The money coming in was not sufficient to meet all my needs, I had drama with family members, I was being targeted at work, my integrity was questioned and after four years of being gone, my child’s father told me he was taking me to family court. All of this occurring within a relatively short time frame had me about to go off. I mean go TF off! I can never question how or why people suffer from mental breakdowns. At times, there is so much that comes your way it can cause you to snap and slip into a depressed and oppressed mental state.
Instinct says to react, fight, go off, set people straight, panic, and become fearful when life throws those tough blows. But I had to stop myself. I had to say to myself in the black vernacular, “girl you done been through worse than this and look at you. Shining. You gon let some money problems, some racism and people problems make you lose yourself?” Nah, nope, no way!” And I heard in my spirit to separate. Separate to elevate. I realized that I needed clarity and I needed peace of mind. You can’t solve problems and you can’t go into warfare with an unsettled or panic and fear stricken mindset. You need to retreat in order to show up to battle prepared to fight!
And that is exactly what I did. I went on a one week fast. From food and social media. That was my separation. I only ate once a day. I detoxified and cleansed my body. I gave my liver and kidneys the chance to remove the impurities and toxins that had built up in my body. I deleted the facebook and Instagram apps from my phone. I detoxified my mind. I didn’t need to be bombarded with the myriad of information and opinions from social media. I didn’t need to be distracted from what I was facing, which ultimately was myself. Not my checking account, not my baby daddy, and not the racists at work. Just me vs. me. I read two great books that week. The Queen Code and The China Study. I filled my mind with positive affirmations and new information which would aid me in my nutrition consulting business. I began to focus. I prayed and meditated. I became elevated.
In the Queen Code Moseley Crawford explains, “The drama in your life is a reflection of the drama inside of you. Everything you experience is simply feedback that communicates who you are and where you are.” She’s not implying that I brought the drama I’m experiencing on myself, but that the inner turmoil I experience because of what I am facing is because of who I am and where I am. She also said, “life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you”. It is so easy to say this person did this to me and they did that to me. But it’s important to reach a point where you realize that yes, people are going to do what they do, but it’s up to you how are you going to let that impact you!
As each day went by in that week, I felt stronger, less stressed, less anxious and I had more clarity. I even had come up with solutions to most of what was vexing me. I had more control over my emotions. Whereas before I felt the need to lash out, particularly at work, I felt a strong sense of power in my silence. Abstaining from food resulted in more self-discipline. I developed a more positive relationship with food based on my physiological need and not my emotional weakness.
That one week changed me. It was just me, my books, and God. Limited food and no social media. No outside influences or distractions. Some of those problems are still there. But I don’t feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown or going TF off. I seperated to elevate. I took another good look at myself and the contents of my heart. I retreated to tend to my wounds, allow them to heal, get a plan in place and fortify my inner strength to once again face this world like the Queen that I am. So if you are on the verge of a breakdown, and you feel like you are going to go TF off, take some time to separate. So that you can elevate. 👑