This is the story of how I found my beauty in a barbell…
When my daughter turned two it was apparent that I would be raising a beautiful little girl alone. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I couldn’t keep my family intact and I felt like a complete failure. Why did he leave? Why did he not want us? Why didn’t he love me? What are we going to do? How am I going to do this alone? The whole ordeal took a toll on my self-esteem and self-worth. The man who’s baby I carried for 9 months and brought into the world no longer wanted me. If he couldn’t love me, well then who could. These are the thoughts that ran rampant through my mind night after night and I cried and cried and cried. And then I cried some more.
But then I started to think is this how I want my daughter to see me; a depressed, self loathing victim. No, I wanted her to see her mother as a strong, confident, beautiful victor who walks tall and handles her business with effortless class and grace. Well if that’s the kind of woman I wanted her to see, then I knew I had some serious work to do. It was a Saturday night, I was listening to Etta James “I’d Rather Go Blind” and I cried my heart out. Cried because a love that I thought would last forever died and cried because my daughter may never know her father. And after there was not one more tear left, I decided that I would never cry over him again. That was it. Not another tear, not another sigh of disbelief and anguish. And to this day I have stood firm in that.
I prayed and made a deal with God. I said, “God if you do your part and fix the parts of me that I can’t, I will do my part and fix the parts of myself that I can. A week later, I was in the rack, the bar was on my back, I squatted as low as I could and when I came back up, I knew I would never be the same. I had found my beauty in a barbell 💞